ugly
2007-04-14

I must be depressed. Still haven't gotten dressed yet. I feel like a zombie. Logan's at work. Said he'd bring me corn dogs.

We just went for a walk last night. Went to this place where all these old people go. It was still too cold to just go for a walk. We were inside. And all these people are staring at us like something is wrong with us. Like I've come undone and make my money on the streets with icky old men. I kept thinking they just saw this disease I hadn't noticed until now.

It was awful. I feel really drained. So drained I can't even cry about it.

But Logan kept holding my hand. Kept whispering in my ear not to look at them, but how could I not when everyone seems to know what I am just by looking at me.

whore.

I can't feel clean enough, anymore. I hate this dirty feeling.

"I hate it too." He told me later. "You are not like that. You don't look like this sleazy thing you feel." Then he kiss me like a drug..there in front of everyone, and I did feel better.

He promised me my face doesn't look broken out and my hair isn't that oily. But that's what I see when I look in the mirror.

I'm just ugly. Oooooozing with ugliness.

I'm crocheting at the moment and watching some movies I checked out from the library. But its taking forever to make this headband kind of hat.