everlong
2006-07-18

As much as Jeremy and I hang out in my room, I don't know how he gets up like at 5 in the morning to get ready for work. He's definitely an early bird. I'm not.

I got him tacos from Taco Bell last night. He was so happy. Since he won't even go in there when he's not the coca cola guy. Like he's afraid their are spies around that might seek him out and tell him he's fired because he went to a pepsi place.

Crazy huh? But he's so serious about it, you know. So I just do what he asks. Get him some Taco Bell. He's so cute about it too. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow he makes everything just sexy the way he does things.

I keep waiting for me to wake up and take a step back....rewind and think, yeah, I am an idiot. Or he might do the same. But neither of us have yet.

He's stuck around for all my drunk friends. Especially, Holden lately. His girlfriend might have lost her license, but it has not stopped the two from getting drunk lately. I'm kind of afraid it might happen to Holden too. Then what would happen to the two of them?

"I'm am not driving them anywhere." Jeremy told me. He can only stand them because of me. I know that. I can hardly stand them.

I don't know what's happened to Holden. He's completely changed, I sometimes think. And then I'll see him at work and watch him talk to people and stuff...and its like..no he's always been like that.

And Jeremy is ok with Logan. Or so it seems. But usually, Logan is with Hannah. And basically, Logan spends all his time with her, so its kind of rare to be alone with him. Usually, its lunch and then he's talking about her. Actually, though, I kind of tune him out. But I see now how much he depends on her, and I don't know if I could be that kind of girlfriend to him.

That makes me a little sad to think I'm like that when I don't want to be. And sometimes, when I'm alone, I think maybe Jeremy might be my Hannah. Like totally devoted to me, and though, it doesn't happen much, but I wonder if I'm really worthy of that kind of devotion.

But I see it when he looks at me, when he touches me, even when he's looking at the engine of my car. I start to wonder, what can I do for him. I really need to do more for him.