the first day of my life
2006-07-15

Still have to go in to work today. But not until after lunch. So I can take it easy until then. Maybe.

I guess things are going ok with Jeremy. In spite of our little spat. I won't call it a down right fight. Cause it wasn't that. It was just a discussion.

Yeah, all of it came out about Eric. Not just that. It was a whole crap load shit about every guy I'd ever gone out with.

You know, wipe the slate clean kind of thing. I guess. Only it feels like clutter you can't get rid of in the end. And although, he says he's ok about all that. I'm just not sure he is.

Have you ever argued with someone on a walk. God, it was such a long walk around the block and the weather was so damn hot.

His face got all red. And before you know it, you couldn't tell if that was sweat or just tears on his face. Then I couldn't tell if it was that way with me, either. It was bad. Or so it seemed for a while, but we're better now.

It all turned out ok in the end. And its like the first real heart to heart we had. Well, except for Jared. And how he talked about him and what not. But he was doing all the talking again. I listened mostly. But this, this was like pouring out all your faults and really its like it all floated away. Like smoke. Like those words are burned now, and we aren't going back there again.

But I'm so tired. I'm really tired. Like something must be wrong with me, but I don't know what it could be. No clue.

But things are looking up. They're really looking up. And when he held my hand, I just felt stronger, you know. Stronger.