drifting on
2006-06-19

You know, I never did crochet anything. Nada. I can't even do that at the moment.

This whole thing has thrown me off kilter. Its just...usually, I get a vibe ore something, you know, when I think I know its over. Or its gonna be over. Or I'm waiting for it to be over. When it fact, maybe it never exactly got started.

Ok, so there were moments. Intense moments. Maybe they were just a little intense now..when I think about it. Sebastan and me. But I thought it would be much more. Some day.

Like I had this feeling if things kept going the way they were, we'd move in together. Possibly. Ok, I'd probably have to wait til I was 19 and then he'd have to turn 19. So maybe that was a long time coming, but when the time came we'd ready.

I just thought anyway. Cause he had filled my head with shit like this. You know, that maybe I could go away with him to college. Stupid, huh?

I guess its this feeling that I was wrong. Very wrong. I didn't want to be wrong about this.

Dad asked about him yesterday when I called to wish him a happy Father's day. I didn't completely forget my Dad. He said it was ok that I didn't seen a card and stuff.

He told me that Stew said he might extend. He might not get out of the Navy now like he was supposed to in December.

I thought about calling Nora about it, but then decided I should wait. See what happens. Maybe she doesn't know yet. Anyway, she pregnant and probably feels about as emotional as Brittany Spears at the moment. I know I should hang out with her. Maybe clean her place or something. Spend time with Devon.

So much I could be doing instead of dwelling on this Sebastian shit.

Maybe things will be normal one day. But the fact is this is possibly as normal ass going to get.